20 Things That Will Make Harry Potter Vomit
by Mrs. SRE Snape
Summary: Various ways to annoy, frustrate and generally piss off various HP characters. Co-written by my niece Lizzy. First up 20 ways to make Harry Potter Vomit. Complete!
1. Chapter 1 Harry

**Disclaimer : I do not own HP.**

20 ways to make Harry Potter want to vomit

Tell him Snape is his biological father.

Charm his Gryffindor Robes Slytherin Green and Silver.

Tell him Draco Malfoy has a crush on him.

Paint his Firebolt neon pink with little purple and yellow flowers all over it.

Tell him his cousin Dudley is gay and fantasizes about snogging him.

Put his wand in Snape's hair.

Tell him he has to stay living at Privet Drive until he's thirty.

Charm him so he's stuck to Malfoy for 24 hours or until they apologize to each other.

Arrange for him to have Rita Skeeter write his biography.

Buy Harry a pet dog that looks like the Grim and name it Sybill Trelawney.

Convince Hagrid to give him a Blast-Ended Skrewt for his birthday.

Make hissing noises that sound like Parteltounge in his ear while he sleeps.

Take Mrs. Blacks portrait and hang it above his bed in Gryffindor tower.

Buy him a gift card to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop.

Shut down Quality Quidditch Supply.

Set him up on a date with Pansy Parkinson.

Tell Harry and Ginny they are long lost sibllings while they are in the middle of a snog fest.

Bribe Snape to partner him with Crabb and/or Goyel for potions.

Tell him Malfoy is his long lost half-brother.

Charm his hair platinum blond and slicked back and then accidently call him Draco.

**A/N: Okay, so there you go 20 things that will make Harry Potter Vomit. I was thinking of doing the same thing with other characters, let me know what you think of the idea.**

**And as always, please review**


	2. Chapter 2  Dumbledore

20 Things That Will Make Dumbledore Cry

Tell him they have stopped making lemon drops.

Shave his beard in his sleep and then when it grows back dye it green and silver.

Charm all of his brightly colored robes grey and black.

Charm his robes to flash the words, 'Team Voldemort' .

Mistake him for Father Christmas and complement him on losing all that weight.

Replace the elder wand with a trick one from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

Charm the sorting hat into sorting every single person into Slytherin.

Train Fawkes to sing drunken sailor songs every time someone walks into Dumbledore's office.

Tell him Harry Potter has renounced his title as The Chosen One and has run away to join the muggle circus.

Send a fake letter from Voldemort claiming to be his long lost son.

Pretend to be his healer and tell him he's developed an allergy to sugar.

Change the password to his office to "I like Big Butts and I cannot lie".

Take away his Chocolate Frog card.

Switch his and Snape's wardrobes.

Tell him there's a ten gallon fee for every time his eyes twinkle.

Tell him the Board of Governors has decided to re-hire Gildaroy Lockheart to teach Defense for the following year.

Set him up on a blind date with Delores Umbridge.

Charm his hair into an afro (this includes his beard).

Let loose one of the Weasley's portable Swamps lose in his office.

Send him love notes and sign them _Love Severus_.


	3. Chapter 3 Hermione

_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

_Okay, I only received two reviews for the last chapter but nine for the first so I'm a bit confused about the obvious difference, on the bright side I did receive five story alerts and three favorite stories. So on with chapter three, and please feel free to leave a review, they make me smile…and write faster._

20 Things That Would Make Hermione Have An Anxiety Attack.

Hide her copy of _Hogwarts: A History_

Tell her you just saw Ron snogging Lavender in the corridor

Forge her OWL scores to read all T's

Take away her prefects badge and give it to Lavender Brown

Tell her you just heard Ron and Harry talking about dropping out of school to pursue professional Quidditch careers

Kidnap Crookshanks

Forge a letter from McGonagall saying that she has to take Divination

Set Cornish Pixies lose in the Hogwarts Library

Switch her Prefect Badge with a Slytherins

Send her fake love notes from Crabb and/or Goyle

Send her a letter addressed from the Ministry of Magic stating that she is adopted and that her real father is Lucius Malfoy

Bribe Fred or George to Polyjuice themselves as Professor Snape, and then snog Hermione in the middle of the Great Hall

Switch her homework with Neville's

Buy her a broom for her birthday

Have the Hogwarts House elf's tell he that all the hats she knitted were donated to _The Society for the Preservation of a Pure-Blood Society_

Charm her school books so that every single line on every single page reads: _**Quidditch Rocks!**_

Make flying a core subject

Charm a banner to fly over her head that flashes the words: _I like snarky men who wear black! _

Hex her teeth back their original beaver size

Charm her prefect badge to read _dumbest witch of her age._

_A/N: So there's chapter three. Any suggestion as to who I should do next?_


	4. Chapter 4 Severus

_Disclaimer: I do not own HP…dammit!_

_Also thank you to all of my readers and reviewers. I received several requests for good old Severus Snape, so here he is…_

20 things that would cause Severus Snape to use an Unforgivable

Force feed him a bag of Dumbledore's lemon drops.

Run up to him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug and say, 'I love the smell of grease'.

Dress up in yellow tights, cape and a mask, rush up to the front of the Potions classroom and shout, "Holy Dunderheads Batman."

Make him an honorary Gryffindor.

Call him Snivillus.

Plaster Posters of the Marauders all over his bedroom wall.

Call The Dark Lord _Moldy-Shorts_

Ask him if he sleeps in a coffin.

Call him a coward.

Sign him up as a member of the Harry Potter fan club.

Color in his Dark Mark with Sharpie markers.

Paint his classroom Gryffindor Colors.

During class, give him a great big hug and say "I love you, Daddy."

Draw a lightning bolt on his forehead.

Wash his hair.

Ask him to show you the Bat Cave.

Announce over the school intercom that the Acropathy owled and that his Viagra order came in.

Have the house elf's replace his bed sheets with ones that have the words _**I Love The Chosen One**_ written all over them in crimson and gold.

Complete your Potions home work in red and gold ink.

Buy him the book: _101 ways to make friends_.

_A/N: So theres 20 way to get Sev to use an unforgivabel on you. Up next Voldemort. Any suggestions for future characetrs_


	5. Chapter 5 Voldemort

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hp or Voldemort…but really who would want to own him anyway. He's evil, you know._

_Thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed this story._

20 Ways to Make Voldemort Want to Kill You

Be Muggel Born

Your name is Harry Potter.

Tell him he died and his hell is to apologize and hug Harry Potter and Dumbledore for eternity.

When he Crucio's you say that it didn't hurt at all and that that he casts unforgivable's like a sissy girl.

Announce at a Death Eater meeting that he's a half-blood.

Call him Voldie, Voldy_wart_, Voldy_shorts, Moldy_shorts or Tommy boy.

Ask him to sign your petition to have a national _**Meet a Muggel**_ day.

Give him a box of Rogaine for his birthday.

Tell him the Dark Mark is ugly, and that he should at least add some color to it.

Tell his Dumbledore is smarter than he is.

Tell him he's not as sinister as he looks.

Tell him you have the Elder Wand and you'll only give it to him if he asks _really_ nicely.

Ask him what he was smoking when he came up with the name Voldemort.

Call him The-Man-Who-Got-His-Ass-Handed-To-Him-By-A-Toddler.

Tell him that if you were in charge Harry Potter would have been dead years ago.

Question his sexuality.

Buy a pet Dragon, name it Harry, bring it to a Death Eater meeting, and then have it 'accidently' eat Nagini.

Tell him you think bald men are sexy.

Ask him if his endless need to kill a child simply because he was born at the end of July might border a bit on the obsessive.

Tell him you know he's not all that evil, just misunderstood, and inside he's just a scared little boy who longs for a positive paternal figure. Then suggest he talk to Dumbledore.

_A/N: Okay, there you go, 20 ways to make Voldy want to kill you. Hope you enjoyed it…got a good laugh…and please feel free to leave a review. Also any further suggestion on the next victim would be appreciated._


	6. Chapter 6 Draco

_Disclaimer: I do not own the HP Universe_

20 Things To Make Draco Malfoy Run Crying Home To His Mummy

Charm his hair ginger.

Legally change his name to Ferret.

Have him sorted into Huffelpuff (because he did say in SS that he would leave if that happened).

Replace his Nimbus 2001 with a dust broom.

Fail him in Potions.

Take the memory of Hermione punching him in the face, copy it to parchment and post it all around the castle.

Replace his quidditch robes with a pink tutu.

Transfigure him into a house elf and then order he clean you room.

Tell him Hermione out scored him in every single one of his classes.

Kick him off the Quidditch team.

Take away his body guards (Crabb and Goyle).

Intercept his weekly supply of sweets from his mum.

Hex him so every time he uses the word _mudblood _he gets an electric shock.

Tell him he has to befriend the Golden trio.

Switch his and Harry's wardrobes.

Lock in a room and force him to listen to Hermione lecture on House Elf rights.

Lock him in a room and force him to listen to Hermione lecture him on muggelbon rights.

Have everyone in the school start calling him 'the great bouncing ferret'.

Make him tutor Neville in Potions.

Change Slytherin's school colors to pink and yellow and turn their mascot from a snake to a fluffy bunny.

_A/N: I has a request for Draco crying home to his mummy, and as fun as it was to write I had a hard time coming up with idea's. If you have any idea's for Draco or any of the other characters let me know, I will add them to the list and give you credit for them as well._

_**Also, please review, I have been getting a lot of story alerts but not many reviews.**_


	7. Chapter 7 Gred and Forge

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP.**

**Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed.**

**And now without out further ado…**

20 Things That Will Make Fred and George Prank You

Overhear them plotting and tell Filch.

Like Professor Snape.

Be part of the Inquisitorial Squad.

Bother, insult, annoy or outright piss off Harry Potter (their benefactor and honorary bother).

Make poverty-stricken jokes about their family.

Be a Malfoy.

Be a Slytherin.

Be Percy.

Tell Umbridge you like her choice of color in robes (pink) and suggest they change the schools colors to match.

Hate Quidditch.

Tell them jokes and pranking are immature.

Be a Ministry arse-kisser.

Notice them being mischievous, and ask them what their up to. You will most likely become their next test subject.

Insult muggelborns.

Insult the memory of the Mauraders.

Simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Call Fred, George and George, Fred.

Be a member of the Umbridge fan club.

Tell them Zonko's was a _way_ a way better Joke Shop then Weasley Wizarding Weezes.

Ask which one is the evil twin.

**A/N: So there you go, a little bit of Gred and Forge. Please let me know what you think. Suggestions are always welcome.**


	8. Chapter 8 Ron

**Disclaimer: I do not own the HP universe or any of its awesome characters.**

**Sorry it's been a while, life's been a bit hectic. Not sure when I'm going to update next but I'll try not to make you wait too long.**

**Note: My niece Lizzy has been coming up with idea's for most of these, so cyber cookies to her! **

20 Ways to make Ron Weasley's ears turn Red

Tell him the Chudley cannons suck.

Make rude comments about his hand-me-down clothes.

Flirt with Hermione.

Have the surname Malfoy.

Be a rich Pureblood.

Call him ginger.

Try and hurt his best mate Harry Potter!

Insult his family (except Percy of course).

Think Quidditch is stupid.

Be Snape.

Be a Slytherin.

Lock him in the Library for an hour.

Tell him you just saw Hermione snogging Cormac in the common room.

Call him a blood traitor.

Call Gryffindors brash, brainless, dolts who run half-cocked into danger without thinking about the consequences.

Use the word mudblood.

Put spiders in his bed while he slept. (this is actually more likely to turn him ghost white but I just had to put it in)

Call him weasel.

Call him freckles.

Walk down the corridors singing: _Weasley cannot save a thing, he cannot block a single ring, That's why Slytherin's all sing WEASKEY IS OUR KING._

**A/N: I really like how this one turned out. Please continue to make suggestions as to who I should do next and please, as always, review. Thank you!**


	9. Chapter 9 Lav, Crabb and Goyle

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

_**Lizzy and I could only come up with ten sayings for Lavender Brown and Crabb and Goyle, so we decided to put them both in one chapter. Enjoy…**_

10 things to make Lavender Brown throw a hissy-fit 

Object to her snogging Ron Weasley at every given opportunity.

Question Professor Trelawney's sanity.

Hex her every time she uses the term _Won-Won_

Tell the entire school that Ron dumped her in his sleep.

Cancel her subscription to Witch Weekly.

Replace her make-up bag with one filled with blubber pus.

Tell her Hermione was spot on when she called her a daft bimbo.

Question her fashion sense.

Drop Divination for them Hogwarts curriculum.

Shove his face in a pensive and force her to watch a memory over Ron and Hermione snogging over and over again.

10 Things to make Crabb and Goyle turn you over to The Dark Lord 

Sign them up for Muggel Studies.

Take a note from Hagrid's book and give them each a curly pig's tail, and then perhaps add a pair of pink piggy ears.

Enroll them both in a muggel student exchange program.

Put them on a diet.

Place a repelling charm around Malfoy so they cannot get within twenty feet of him.

Charm their robes Gryffindor colors.

Spike all their food with a potion that makes everything taste like vomit.

Sign them up for tutor secessions with Hermione.

Hex them so that every time they try and insult a muggelborn it comes out as a complement.

Trick them into drinking Harry Potter and Ron Weasley Polyjuice.

**So there you go, sorry Lizzy and I couldn't think of 20 for each but if you think of any yourself feel free to let me know and I'll add them, and don't worry I will be sure to give you the credit. Thanks for reading and please leave me a little note letting me know what you think.**


	10. Chapter 10 Minerva

20 ways to make Minerva McGonagall take away house points 

Openly dislike cats.

Spread a rumor that's she is dating the Headmaster.

Every time she asks you a question in class answer using a Scottish accent.

Steal her glasses and then come into class the next day wearing them.

Bring her a stray kitten and say, "I think I found your granddaughter".

Become a dog anamagious and the wait until she is in her cat form and chase her around the castle.

Charm everything in her office pink and stick a life sized picture of Dolorous Umbridge over her desk.

Have Professor Twelaney predict her death.

Sneak up behind her, pull her hair out of its bun and then run.

Leave a bag of cat treats on her desk for her birthday.

Hide the Gryffindor team's brooms just before a game with Slytherin.

Use a Nose Bleed Nougat to get out of her class.

Transfigure her desk into a scratching post.

Make her go to a Divination Conference as Professor Twelaney's personal guest.

Set her up on a blind date with Gildaroy Lockheart.

Bye her a signed copy of Skeeters biography on Albus Dumbledore.

Tell her she looks like that nun from Sister Act.

Ask her if she's Irish (apparently Scottish people really dislike that and vice versa)

Ask her if she will play her bagpipes for you.

Kick Harry Potter off the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

**A/N: Let me know what you think and who Lizzy and I should do next. Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11 Molly

**Disclaimer: I own nothing…drat!**

20 Way to Make Molly Weasley send you a Howler

Insult her cooking.

Charm all of the famous Weasley sweaters green with a big silver 'S' in the center.

Sell Arthur more muggle trinkets.

Gather all of the garden gnomes and set them lose in her kitchen.

Cham her needles to spell out swear words into her knitting patterns.

Replace her cooking ingredients with the twins joke products.

Try and take over her kitchen.

Be a French half Veela flout trying to steal away her precious baby boy Bill, (in other words, Flure Delacour)

Give the twins a thousand galleons to open up a joke shop (I'm sure that if she ever found out Harry had given them the money that would have been exactly what she would have done).

Polyjuice yourself as Lucius Malfoy, tell her you have been in love with her for years and ask her to run away with you.

Tell her she is pregnant with triplets.

Send her a letter stating that Hogwarts is participating in an inner-house unification project and that all of her children (still at school) will be spending the year as Slytherins.

Hire Arthur to teach muggle studies.

Bad mouth Albus Dumbledore.

Suggest she take cooking tips from Hagrid.

Call Gildaroy Lockhart a no talent hack.

Call her Mollywobbels

Send her one of the twins patented Day Dreams which includes Professor Dumbledore on a beach in a G-string.

Set off a portable swamp in her kitchen.

Move all of the hands on the Weasleys Family Clock to read Mortal Peril.

**A/N: I now this chapter has mention of several pranks but I think that's what annoys Molly the most, don't you think. Cyber Cookies to Lizzy who came up with many of the twenty this that will make Molly send you a Howler.**

**Any suggestion on who I should do next?**


	12. Chapter 12 The Dursley's

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter…but why! I really want to!**

20 ways to get the Dursley's to call you an Abnormal Freak

Carry a wand.

Be Harry Potter

Offer the use of dragon dung to help fertilize Petunia's garden

Paint the Gryffindor Crest on their roof.

Slip a shrinking solution in Vernon and Dudley's drinks.

When they suggest hiring a housekeeper suggest Kreacher.

Buy them a pet owl.

Buy them matching shirts that have the word MUGGLE written across them.

Send Dudley a fake Hogwarts acceptance letter.

Bring Peeves along for a surprise visit.

Plant Venomous Tentaculas in their back garden.

Charm all of their pictures to move like wizarding ones.

Offer Petunia a job to teach Muggle Studies at Hogwarts.

Spend the day following them around while singing the Hogwarts school song.

Fly a broom through their house.

Put them in a body bind and force them to listen to you read Quidditch Through the Ages over and over again.

Have Hagrid cook them his famous Rock Cakes and then force feed it to them.

Buy them a set of wizarding robes.

Ask them to become members of the Harry Potter Fan Club.

Have their surname (last name) legally change to Wizardlovers.

**A/N: Oh this one was fun to write, hope you enjoyed it, if so please let me know. Come on click the button, Harry would want you too.**


	13. Chapter 13 HP Characters

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his friends, enemies or pets.**

**Thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed this story. This is the last chapter in that it was my niece's idea but she has pretty much given up on it at this point, so I made her come up with 20 ways to annoy 20 random HP Characters to help end the series. Hope you enjoy!**

_20 ways to annoy 20 Harry Potter Characters_

Tell Luna Lovegood there are nargels in her hair

Accidently hit Neville's toad Trever with a stunning hex.

Buy Seamus a shirt that says '_Pyromaniac and Proud of it'_.

Tell Bellatrix Lastrange that she and Severus Snape would make beautiful babies together.

Copy everything Fleur says in a really bad French accent.

Hide Percy's glasses and replace them with Harry's.

Replace all of Delores Umbridge's decorative kitten plates to have frogs that rib-bit every time she enters her office.

Charm Minister Fudge's bowler hat bright pink and tell him it was Umbridge's idea.

By Sirius a leash and dog bowl for his birthday.

Tell Pansy Parkinson that you saw Draco making out in the corridor with Hermione Granger.

Take back Gildaroy Lockhart's Witch Weekley's Most Handsome Smile Award.

Tell **Sibyll Trelawney**** you see the Grim in her tea cup.**

Make the entire Slytherin house take Muggle Studies.

Steal all of Miss. Figgs cats.

Ask Hagrid if he's walking on stilts.

Let lose a crate of ladybugs in Professor Sprout's greenhouse's.

Ask Remus if he has any Vampire friends.

Ask Moody if he can see through people's clothes with his magical eye.

Ask Moaning Myrtle if she spent this much time in the bathroom when she was alive.

Buy the basilisk a pair of sunglasses.


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